With the sad news of Robin Williams’ passing, James explains how a new pet has helped him cope with his own metaphorical black dog
Although we don’t know the origins of the term ‘the black dog’ (the first reference is believed to be a mention in a letter by Samuel Johnson), it was Winston Churchill that brought it into popular use. It’s perhaps unsurprising that Churchill got depressed, knowing the amount of men that he sent to their death during the fight against fascism. Like a lot of men that fought in the war, both my grandfathers were profoundly affected; as a small boy I got in a lot of trouble when I asked my granddad if he had killed anyone in the war. I sometimes wonder if some of my mental health battles are the legacy of that intergenerational trauma. Understandably, neither of them spoke much about their experiences of the battlefield, fostering in them an emotional distance to me as a small child. A stiff upper lip became a way to cope with the intense emotions of war. It’s hardly surprising also that more US soldiers have died by their own hands returning from the illegal war in Iraq than were killed fighting.
At the beginning of the year my partner and I got a dog, she’s called Doris after my grandmother, and we have brought her up to Edinburgh with us. I take antidepressants and do talking therapy but in many ways getting a dog, who happens to be black, has been one of the best things I’ve every done for my depression. My shows over the weekend both left me feeling down, tired and emotionally empty. Yet I’ve got home and opened the door to a wagging tail and licks that have lifted my soul instantly. Unconditional love and emotional openness are the only language the puppy understands.
This morning I got up and opened my twitter feed to read the tragic news about Robin Williams, who has taken his own life after a battle with depression, and again I’m hit with the sadness of relating to what such experiences are like. My dog doesn’t understand this, she is just a dog, and wants to go out for a wee and to chase the football. For those 30 minutes, as we run around the park together, I forget about the rawness of performing ‘Mental’ and the connection I feel to Williams in the last years of his life.
They say that a dog is man’s best friend. Yet a black dog is something that so many men, me included, struggle with. If my black dog could sing, she would sing this.
Image Lily Kember
Mental runs until the 24 August. More details HERE
