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— June 1, 2012

The World This Week

Phil’s gone on holiday for two weeks – in his place, guest correspondent Betty Wood looks at culture secretary Jeremy Hunt’s career options, the planting of Royalist sentiments and Jubilee jollies

JUBILEE WOODS | Seeding Sovereignty

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Phil and Lil: it's hip to be square © Zimbio

To mark the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee, the Woodland Trust has announced that 60 new woodlands (of at least 60 acres in size) will be planted across the UK. Here at PORT, we couldn’t think of a better metaphor for the work the Queen has undertaken in the last 60 years, soaking up the noxious outpourings of her offspring, not to

mention the legendary guffs of her husband, Prince Philip.

These ‘diamond’ woodlands will be created from indigenous species in every region of the UK, although it is thought that one of every three trees will be planted in Scotland (ignoring the country’s otherwise indifference to the Queen).

Read more about the diamond venture in The Scotsman here.

LEVESON INQUIRY | Curtain Call

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Practicing those jazz hands © The Telegraph

They say that there are no real loyalties in politics: Not so in the case of David Cameron it seems. Despite a rather uncomfortable day at the Leveson inquiry yesterday, during which the full extent of culture secretary Jeremy Hunt’s rather close contact with James Murdoch over News Corportation’s bid for BSkyB was revealed, within minutes of finishing the day’s session, No 10 insisted that Cameron would not be referring Hunt to his independent adviser of the ministerial code.

But Hunt is not out of hot water just yet: Labour’s deputy leader Harriet Harman insisted today that the party would call for a vote

in the House of Commons on whether his actions should be referred to an independent investigator. (Two guesses what they think?)

It’s all getting a bit much for Jeremy Hunt, whose (inanely smiling) mug shot has been plastered onto the covers of Britain’s newspapers for months now. PORT decided to suggest some alternative career paths should he decide to take a break from politics:

1. After the dust settles on the Leveson inquiry, Jeremy Hunt decides to go back to his ‘cultural’ roots. He signs up for a run in Leveson: The Musical in which he plays himself.

An avant-garde production, his baritone solo is played out against a minimalist backdrop of white screens onto which text messages are projected: “Great and congrats on Brussels, just Ofcom to go!” LOL.

2. Jeremy opts for the simple life (of sorts) when in a role-reversal, Adam Smith signs him up to act as his special advisor following his surprise celebrity status following the Leveson Inquiry.

Read more about what they found in Jeremy Hunt’s inbox in The Guardian here.

BANK HOLIDAY | Jubilee Jollies

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Words of truth © The Independent

The double bank holiday kicks off today, and in addition to the usual bounds of bunting, street parties, bank holiday traffic jams and jam sandwiches, the weekend has also kicked the UK’s tourism industry up a gear as over 4 million Britons are expected to travel during the next four days.

If they can get there, that is. Whilst Central London’s roads are closed off (allowing pedestrians to roam freely across the country’s capital), extra transport has been also been laid on in the form of additional buses, trains and tube services. Outside the bubble, both the AA and the RAC have warned

motorists to expect heavy traffic from mid-afternoon today and throughout Saturday, despite the Highways Agency suspending maintenance work on major roads to keep as many lanes open across the country as possible.

According to The Daily Mail, travel agents are estimating that a further 2 million Britons will be using the long weekend as an opportunity to escape the country. Quick to take advantage of other countries’ misfortunes, the most popular destinations are expected to be Spain and Greece, where the pound is enjoying strength against the euro.

Those remaining in the UK are advised to prepare for a soggy Sunday, with rainfall expected across the Monday and Tuesday.

Read more on what The Independent has to say about Jubilee migration (and Jubilee jams) here.

And read what The Daily Mail is saying here (or do what we do and skip forward to the comments, just for the “LOLZ”).

Phil will be back (possibly from Spain or Greece) in a fortnight. Until then, enjoy your bank holiday!

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